Feb 9, 2011

Who am I?

    A little bit of background on me and where I come from, emotionally and physically. Im a 23 year old, gay man from a military family and I grew up splitting my time between a small town in Maryland with my father and a small town in Minnesota with my mother. Since 2006 I have lived in Tampa Bay, where I moved after I turned 19 to live with a friend that I eventually formed a relationship with. And speaking of relationships, until now I have only been in two relationships; one for three years with someone I didn't love but couldn't leave and the second for a year and a half with someone I tried to love but couldn't be monogamous with.
    Thats where it gets tricky - I don't believe in monogamy and I don't believe in love. I crave spending time with someone (even dating them) as long as it stays casual and we can both see other people.
    So how did I end up in a poly-family? Fox. I met Fox, already involved in a poly-relationship with two others (John and D), because I met his boyfriend John on some trashy sex site and wanted some quick easy action. John had told me, through chatting online, about his family which intrigued me. So I agreed to go to drinks with the three of them one night, which led to a rowdy night on a leather ottoman (someone got a head injury from a falling porcelain pig) and further led to me wanting to see more of them. After a couple of visits I firmly outlined that I was not, in any way, interested in joining them. And of course I ended up doing just that. I spent a great deal of my free time with two of the three, becoming very comfortable with Fox. While I was "supposed" to be John's plaything, I ended up having a deeper connection with Fox - we are both artists, have the same taste in movies and music, get eachothers stupid jokes that no one laughs at, etc etc etc.
    Eventually Fox and I spent nearly every day together, ending it with my spending almost every night in his bed. John was comfortable with it (although a little jealous that I was not spending as much time with him) but D hated me. He loathed my very existence. We had nearly nothing to talk about and I found him irritatingly childish for someone in their 30's. Eventually D claimed that I was replacing him and left. Why do I call him D? Because Im having a Harry Potter moment and he cannot be named for fear of the evil he brings. Thats not fair. Actually he was a very nice guy but he was not able to cope with sharing anyone. I think that he has found someone and they live together just south of here. Good for him.
    So now, several months along, I still spend almost all my free time with Fox and John. Fox asked me to join his poly-family and, after refusing several times, I have jumped on board. Why? Because.
    Thats how the mind works. One minute I think its the stupidest thing I have ever heard and the next, I find my insides very warm and squishy the thought. The thing is, however, that the mind doesnt work like that at all. It took something important, something big, to set me off.

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